so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
love makes seman taste better
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
