Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
