Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
