I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
