Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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