I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
