did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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