so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
