I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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