can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
