I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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