Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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