Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
