she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
