; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
