I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize