i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
