my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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