I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
