He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
