we have officially lost it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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