That's intense
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
