you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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