I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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