If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
