i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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