I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
