my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
sex in a hospital.. check
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
