a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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