Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
