3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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