What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk is not a location!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
