Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
