The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
