Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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