You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
