im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
