is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
