You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
