Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
