Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
