Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I stole a fireplace last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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