It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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