Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
