I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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