I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
