i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
