I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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