She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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