She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
