And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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