Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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