I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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