You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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