Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
