apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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