Me too!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
