I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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