we have officially lost it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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