I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize