She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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