In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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