Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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