her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
