my shit smells like andre
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Send help, water and tortillas.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
His nipple licking is glorious
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