yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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