I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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