I want to have your abortion
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
