well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
