My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i out mim tonsoeep
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