??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
