Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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