Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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